Thursday, May 28, 2009

a story. (WITH pictures!)

Once upon a time there was a mean mom.

She told her youngest son he could NOT come along on the ride to bring his friend back home just before dinner time. She put her foot down and insisted. Not only was she mean, but she was inconsistent and soft. So when that little son ranted and raved, she relented, and he came. "Under one condition, my little ranting and raving son," she said "You must NOT fall asleep on the ride home!"

"I promise" he said.

Of course the mean mom is also Fairly Intelligent, and, as she watched his head in her rear view mirror and noticed that it started to bobble, she pointed out that he was in danger of breaking his promise.

"Stop it!" he yelled. "You're annoying me!" he continued, after a lengthy, drunken pause.

Because it was kind of funny, the fairly intelligent and yes, sometimes annoying mom continued playing the game. "Hey, you can't fall asleep" she said "we're on our street, which means we're getting close to our driveway."

"STOP IT!" he yelled, quite a bit louder this time.

The mother chatted incessantly until the vehicle was parked. At that point, groggy toddler boy started to throw a full-on temper tantrum as he unbuckled his seatbelt, and stomped his way into the house. The mother, feeling all-knowing and powerful, heard him flick the handle of the foos ball table as he stomped into the front room, and she felt satisfied that he was angrily playing as she strategically stirred the pot of wonder beans simmering on the stove.

Wonder beans: 13-bean soup that now had the consistency of VERY thick split pea soup, and was the color of unhealthy mud. Fairly Intelligent Mom started to worry that her somewhat intelligent children might not be excited about eating dinner. On to the next decision for Fairly Intelligent Mom: How to make the impending protein-packed dinner seem like a somewhat attractive option for consumption.

Like a light in the darkness, *SMART MAMA!* and her (truly) WONDER ROLLS! came to Fairly Intelligent Mom's mind. Quicker than the evening news, these delectible delights can be on the table and begging to be eaten, warm with melting butter. They'd make any main dish seem palatable. I promise you.

As the oven was preheating and the rolls were rapidly rising (I mean it; they're QUICK), FIM (Fairly Intelligent Mom) remembered that she hadn't heard angry toddler boy for quite a while. Panic set in.

-Oh dear. What if he really DID go to sleep?-

She checked the front room and went quickly through every room in the house. He was mad. Mad enough to use his mad FHE hide-and-go-seek hiding skillz. The last few times we've played this game, he had won. Because, to his delight, he had discovered that he is small enough to be able to hide under any random pile of clothing (dirty or clean), rumpled bedding (ditto) or piles of fabric without being spotted.

-Ah-hah,- (she thought) he's hiding AND sleeping.

And she was right. (He really IS in there!)
She pulled back the rumpled bedding to discover he outsmarted the FIM.

FIM had his siblings make enough noise to annoy him awake, and she knew she was going to need the big guns to get him through dinner.

"Everyone who CLEANS THEIR BOWL gets a smoothie for dessert" She said with a syrup-y smile.

It was nothing but speed, determination and enthusiasm.

And just a touch of this: (ignore the background noise. Turn off the volume, and focus on the facial expression and obvious delight for the task at hand)



Annie said...

I love it. Mean moms of the world unite!
And I'm really going to have to try those rolls...

LL said...

our kids do the dry heave routine quite often...i love it!
Made me laugh reading about his falling asleep in the car. I do the same thing. I speak LOUD, I roll down the windows, throw things....
Moms are mean because we care :)

shirlgirl said...

Great post. Hard to keep a sleepy guy awake. Guess Emily wasn't too enthralled with your protein-packed dinner. What did everyone else think of your supper? Bet the rolls were gone in no time.

Swimmingmom said...

Great story! Mmmm, those rolls sounds perfect right now. I'm kinda in a pinch for dinner too, didn't realize they were quick....

Shauna said...

Hope you have a great weekend :)

Jo Jo said...

Okay,I'd eat anything with those great looking rolls!

smart mama said...

glad the rolls saved the day- love the dramatics!

have you tried the breadsticks- theya re fast too and i have a great new speedy speedy homemade bread recipe that makes 4-5 loaves